You Don’t Know

Hardships and pain
Illness and heartbreak
I prayed until my heart bled
And when there was no
Response, I cried out
What is this about?
In agony I said,
“You don’t know…

“You don’t know what pain is
You are God, you don’t know what it’s like
You are perfect
And I’m a defect
You don’t know me, you don’t know.”

But then I hear a response to my cries
“Unum pro multis. One for the many.
Stricken with reeds, said not a word
Slapped and spat on My face
How do you think I survived being scourged?
Was it only by courage?
No, it was by prayer to the Lord
And by The Father’s grace.”

“No, you don’t know what pain is
You are human, you don’t know what it’s like
Crucified
Hung and died
So you can know Me, so you can know…”

But many don’t want to know…


I can’t imagine what it must be like for Him when He DIED for His creation and… then watched His created beings choose the world instead of Him. And continues to watch. Watching them embrace death instead of everlasting life. Watching them walk toward hell and perish. The pain must be nearly unbearable.


“And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’ ” (Matthew 7:23)

“But He will say, ‘I tell you I do not know you, where you are from. Depart from Me, all you workers of iniquity.’ There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, and yourselves thrust out.” Luke 13:27-28

The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. (Second Peter 3:9)

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17)

Warning Signs

A year ago, I got glasses for the first time.

I started experiencing headaches. They were mild at first and I thought they were sinus headaches because I get allergies, but this just didn’t go away. I began to get paranoid about what was causing it. Something serious or not?

I knew I couldn’t see long distances well. I hadn’t for as long as I can remember. But I was fine with closer up stuff. Or so I thought…

The change was so gradual that I didn’t realize how bad my eyes were. When I got glasses, I was amazed at how clear EVERYTHING was. Close up and far off. Now, without my glasses, I still get a headache in short order, and I can see why because of how blurry everything is.

I still ponder this at times when I take off my glasses and look around. Were my eyes THAT blurry before glasses and I just didn’t notice or have my eyes adjusted to the glasses and therefore, aren’t working as hard to focus which makes everything seem blurrier than I remember?

I don’t know for sure.

But I do know that sin can work the same way. Everything seemed great before, but then, little warning signs start to appear. A small headache, nah, it’ll go away if I ignore it. A little eye twitching, nah, it’ll be fine in time. But then the red flags get bigger and bigger until it can’t be ignored anymore.

And when the spiritual glasses are put on, suddenly everything is crystal clear. Those warning signs shouldn’t have been ignored. And the sin is seen for what it is. SIN.

And those painful little warning signs that were uncomfortable and stung a little was actually damage being done to the soul. It won’t go away. Sin has to be dealt with the same way.

And stopping sin is like putting on glasses for the first time and wearing them everywhere when not used to it. **It can make a person sick for a while. But sin is sin, it’s not something to slowly back away from (depending on what it is. For me and my gaming, I would be like, I’ll play it less today than yesterday and that will be fine. But I had no self-control and would end up playing for hours. Playing for 2 hours instead of 3 was still not good). I like how Brandon worded it – stop struggling with your sin and KILL IT.

We need to stop ignoring the warning signs and put on those spiritual glasses!


(**On an unrelated note, for me when I first put on my glasses, I ended up with an upset stomach like motion sickness. It shocked my whole system on the first day. The lady told me if it was my first time getting glasses, it might be a good idea to wait until the next morning and put them on first thing so the eyes will be rested and can get used to it. But I was so excited to see everything that I didn’t heed her warning. So I paid the consequences. 🥴🤣🤷🏻‍♀️)

Life Updates – Computers And Gaming

Back in March, I went through a crisis of gaming. (You can read about that here: Accomplishments and Achievements) And then when I thought it was over… I realized I had only scratched the surface.

 

(I didn’t want to seem like I’m directly attacking the game so I blocked it out.) I had one game left that I was obsessed with. I thought I had it under control until I saw this. I knew I had a problem. And instead of recognizing I needed to deal with it NOW, I asked God for a sign that I needed to stop. And even in my weakness, He did provide that. The next part of the game, in the plot of the storyline, was something the Bible specifically stated was wrong. There were other questionable things before that which I should have known were red flags, but I really didn’t want to stop so I ignored them. I knew then that I HAD to stop. So I did. And this week:

It’s still higher than I’d like, but it’s much better than it was. 🙂

Right before this, a few weeks ago, I tried to turn on my old gaming laptop and discovered that it was dead. I cried over that one. It hurt. My dad and I will probably look at it at some point, but as of now, I think I’m okay with not being able to access it. If I hadn’t backed up my photos and files (meaning all the novels I’ve ever written) THEN I would be still panicked and super sad. But as it is, this basically means I can’t play Oregon Trail or Heroes Might and Magic IV., and I can’t use PhotoImpression 1999, which is what I used to edit some photos. (Now playing with Picasa and Canva to do what I used to do for photo editing.)

I realized how connected to these things I was and I didn’t want them to become idols. So I distanced myself from them. Giving up the game hurt, especially for the first few days. But the laptop, after the initial shock, didn’t hurt as much. So I think I’ll be fine with restoring it soon without too much worry. (Long as I don’t play Oregon trail for five or six hours afterward. I adore that game and as long as I’m responsible with time, I’m fine with a round or two of it. Nothing bad in it. And it’s actually quite educational. “Oh no you got bit by a snake!” “Oh no you ate a poisonous plant!” “You caught 1000 pounds of fish!” “Oh no you nearly drowned in the river!” “The wagon dumped in the river and you lost supplies!” “An ox stepped in a hole!” “Oh no you just got mauled by a bear!” I need to stop now, I could gush about this game for too long. XD)

I have another part to this coming out soon, titled Warning Signs. 🙂 See you later! ❤

Wrath With A Side Order of Fruit – Gospel Study Notes

Notes And Thoughts On The Poem From Yesterday:


The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb – the Lamb of God, which takes away the sin of the world. (Revelation 14:10 & John 1:29)

The idea to put those Revelation 14:10 and John 1:29 together came from this video:

**As a warning, there are some dark images in this video, but for me, they were used properly and it just highlighted the love of God, that because of Jesus, I will be spared God’s wrath.


Here are the other Scriptures that inspired the poem from yesterday here. I usually put them at the end of the poem, but I had so many thoughts I made a new post for the sake of length. 🙂

“Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit.” (Matthew 12:30-32)

“Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.’ “ (Rom 12:19)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith… Gal 5:22

(For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth…) Eph 5:9

And the entirety of Nahum 1 (I’ll just give a link to it Click!) but for the seventh and eighth stanzas, I pretty much took directly from

God is jealous, and the LORD avenges;
The LORD avenges and is furious.
The LORD will take vengeance on His adversaries,
And He reserves wrath for His enemies;
The LORD is slow to anger and great in power,
And will not at all acquit the wicked.

(Nahum 1:2-3)

Who can stand before His indignation?
And who can endure the fierceness of His anger?
His fury is poured out like fire,
And the rocks are thrown down by Him.
(Nahum 1:6)

Interestingly, I didn’t find any Scripture that directly stated that Jesus took The Father’s wrath, as I expected to find. When Jesus said, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”, it is a direct quote from Psalm 22, but I guess I took it as it appeared – that God forsook Jesus. But then… Refreshing Spirit pointed out verse 24, “For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; nor has He hidden His face from Him; but when He cried to Him, He heard.” (New King James Version capitalized like that – I’m used to the KJV, so seeing these caps was a shock. XD) This seems to be clear that the Father never turned away from His Son.


“Thus says the LORD: ‘Behold, I will bring calamity on this place and on its inhabitants—all the words of the book which the king of Judah has read— ‘because they have forsaken Me and burned incense to other gods, that they might provoke Me to anger with all the works of their hands. Therefore My wrath shall be aroused against this place and shall not be quenched.’ ” ’ (Second Kings 22:17)

All the places I’ve found in which God forsook someone, the other person forsook Him first. Also, His wrath is toward cities such as Sodom and Gomorrah, which were totally wicked. Jesus never forsook the Father and was never wicked, so He doesn’t meet these criteria.

You are of purer eyes than to behold evil,
And cannot look on wickedness.
Why do You look on those who deal treacherously,
And hold Your tongue when the wicked devours
A person more righteous than he?

The context here is that Habakkuk is wondering why the wicked seem to be prospering (thanks Refreshing Spirit!). This is how the NASB translates the verse:

Your eyes are too pure to approve evil,
And You can not look on wickedness with favor.
Why do You look with favor
On those who deal treacherously?
Why are You silent when the wicked swallow up
Those more righteous than they?

This verse is saying God doesn’t approve of wickedness. Jesus wasn’t wicked. So this can’t really apply to God looking at Jesus on the cross.


At this point, I am thinking that when Jesus bore the punishment of the sins of the world, wrath was not included.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23)

…who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed. (First Peter 2:24 – Thanks T.R. for bringing this verse to my attention.)

And He died in our place. But it doesn’t say He took God’s wrath. Jesus died for us so God won’t become wrathful toward us.

God still has wrath toward the wicked; so all of God’s wrath wasn’t poured out on Jesus. But I am thankful that the Ultimate Sacrifice saves the children from having the Father’s wrath poured on them. ❤

And His children crave the right fruit. The fruit from the Tree of Life. That fruit can’t save, but when Jesus is Savior, the Holy Spirit allows us to crave the right fruit from the right tree and we have the power to overcome temptations through Him.

If you are still reading, thanks for reading through these long notes, and be sure to check out Refreshing Spirit’s part two to her wrath post, here! ❤

Craving – A Poem

Worldly fruit is at first sweet,
But bitter in the end –
Like Adam and Eve
Discovered in the luscious garden.

The fruit of the wrong tree –
Eating from it is to defy God’s will –
That fruit is bad for me,
Yet I’m tempted to eat of it still.

Fruit of the flesh
Which came from the pit –
Eating it will bring death.
I look at the Fruit of the Spirit…

Against eating this fruit, there is no law
I reach for fruit from the Life-Giving Tree
And feel my heart begin to thaw
My icy heart of stone, melting within me

I am not worthy to approach this tree
The Fruit of the flesh is easier to get
Oh Lord Jesus, only You can help me
Eat of this fruit and not the one from the pit!

Soon the harvest will be ripe,
And the angel will reap
The vine of the Earth – the wicked
Will be crushed beneath His feet!

The LORD is slow to anger and great in power,
And will not at all acquit the impious –
His fire and brimstone will come and shower
His enemies with His righteous vengeance!

For Who could stand before His indignation?
And who could endure His anger?
His fury will be poured out like flames from heaven,
As He destroys the wicked and sinner.

Oh, I no longer wish to gratify
The sinful nature within me,
I only want to satisfy
My Lord God Almighty!

Whoever believes has life that will never cease
And will be with Him forever as He reigns.
Whoever doesn’t will find no peace
For on them, God’s wrath will remain.

The display of His wrath showcases
That His goodness is perfect and holy;
His wrath is aimed at sinfulness and wicked places –
I can’t begin to comprehend His holiness and glory!

The beautiful Tree of Life
Is the one I desire to crave;
Eating of it causes no strife
I’m satisfied forever and a day!


This spawned out of a Gospel study with Olivia at Refreshing Spirit. There are 34 parts to this study (this was inspired by part three), and there will be notes and more stories like this whenever we finish a part. The theme for this was The Fall – Sin and the Wrath of God. Scripture references and thoughts // study notes I had while writing this poem will come out in a separate post on Monday morning, for the sake of length. 🙂

Premonition

She loved God but she loved her sin more.
She could not have two masters, no.
She gave Him most of herself but kept in store
Parts of herself she couldn’t let go.

She was new to her faith
And went back to her addiction,
But one day she saw a wraith;
It was her death’s premonition…

She tried to get herself clean,
She tried not to fall again,
But her willpower wasn’t to be seen,
She was beaten up by sin.

Her heart was utterly destroyed,
All that was left was an empty hole;
But He was eager to fill the void,
And cleanse her darkened soul.

She fell to her knees before His presence,
And in final surrender she gave Him the rest of her life;
Continuing under her own strength made no sense,
She embraced the Ultimate Sacrifice!

Her garments were bleached white,
He forgave her for her wrongdoings,
For this girl was feeling genuinely contrite,
And ashamed over the sinful things.

But, knowing that they no longer existed,
She refused to let rule her emotion;
She no longer foolishly resisted,
And gave Him all of her devotion.

Now when she thought of the future,
It wasn’t so bleak anymore; Jesus, she praised!
She was filled with His joy, she was sure.
He was her Guide through the rest of her days.


In case anyone reading thought this was about drugs or alcohol – while writing this, I had the mindset that any sin can be an addiction, not just those two specifically.   I wanted it to be much broader than just that. 🙂 (Even Accomplishments and Achievements can be an addiction, for instance. 😉 )

Accomplishments and Achievements

(The poem I intended to post on Monday needed a bit more work, therefore it has been scheduled to Wednesday. In case you wondered what happened to it. 😉)

For me, it’s easy for a feeling of accomplishment to be an addiction that gets out of hand and turns into sin.

Finishing a level of Candy Crush and seeing the little girl cheering? Yup. I could play for HOURS. And having it on my iPod… now I see how easy it is to be addicted to a phone. I could carry the gaming addition wherever I went (that has WiFi).

Whenever there was a contest, I was waaaaaaaaay too focused on winning. I’d play for hours to win.

And this win led me to play for HOURS because I didn’t want to waste my prize. (Yes I took screenshots of my wins… I rediscovered them recently and cringed. I was THAT proud of my wins. 😅)

I had to offload all four games from the Candy Crush franchise from my iPod, and I may delete them completely soon.

After reading this post from my friend TR (Accomplishments Becoming An Idol), I realized just how deep this went. Accomplishments and achievements had a hold on me.

Accomplishment – level 13 on Memrise.

This achievement lost on Duolingo upset me more than it should have. I almost considered buying “plus” so I could fix it but… would it be worth it, just for that? The point was, I was learning Spanish. And I still am.

Progress is being made. If I miss a day, does it really matter? One day? Does the streak matter, or does the learning?

And when it comes to Candy Crush, I realized something…

When I stand before God, will this matter?

“God, I didn’t spend that much time with You and I’m sorry. I didn’t have a lot of free time.”

“What about all those hours playing games, child? You did have time.”

“…I was top of the leaderboard. That counts for something, right?”

Wrong.

Would He be proud of these achievements and accomplishments?

That’s probably a no.

Learning a new language has a point. Being able to speak to more of His children. But the games, even though they are so fun and addicting… weren’t worth the hours put into it.

I must admit, this achievement felt good. But I’m trying not to let it become an idol. I don’t use the website every day. On Duolingo, I have the streak freeze activated so if I do skip a day, I don’t lose my streak, but I’m also really enjoying the learning process there (they have Duolingo Stories which I really enjoy alongside their Spanish lessons), so I rarely skip a day. That’s why my streak is back into the 80s… 😅 I keep telling myself it’s not the numbers and if I lose this streak, I won’t be upset. It’s a struggle sometimes but:

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

I don’t want to get trapped in the snares of accomplishments and achievements; I want to run the race and keep my eyes on Jesus, my Prize. He is worth it! ❤