You Don’t Know

Hardships and pain
Illness and heartbreak
I prayed until my heart bled
And when there was no
Response, I cried out
What is this about?
In agony I said,
“You don’t know…

“You don’t know what pain is
You are God, you don’t know what it’s like
You are perfect
And I’m a defect
You don’t know me, you don’t know.”

But then I hear a response to my cries
“Unum pro multis. One for the many.
Stricken with reeds, said not a word
Slapped and spat on My face
How do you think I survived being scourged?
Was it only by courage?
No, it was by prayer to the Lord
And by The Father’s grace.”

“No, you don’t know what pain is
You are human, you don’t know what it’s like
Crucified
Hung and died
So you can know Me, so you can know…”

But many don’t want to know…


I can’t imagine what it must be like for Him when He DIED for His creation and… then watched His created beings choose the world instead of Him. And continues to watch. Watching them embrace death instead of everlasting life. Watching them walk toward hell and perish. The pain must be nearly unbearable.


“And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’ ” (Matthew 7:23)

“But He will say, ‘I tell you I do not know you, where you are from. Depart from Me, all you workers of iniquity.’ There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, and yourselves thrust out.” Luke 13:27-28

The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. (Second Peter 3:9)

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17)

Broken Heart’s Embrace (Poem) & An Update On Life (January 17, 2018)

Tiger and Rabbit

Hello all! 🙂 It looks like I’m going to make up for not posting for the past few days by filling up your readers and inboxes today, haha.

If you have been following me long, you’ve probably noticed that I don’t talk about my life much in terms of personal life. And I still don’t plan to share a whole lot, but at the same time, I want to be a little more open. (The “An Update On Life” title was inspired by Maggie’s Life Updates – if you haven’t been to her blog, I encourage you to drop by – her blog is amazing. I linked to it there. 😉)

I’m still battling with fear a bit, but it wasn’t as bad as that one instance a couple of weeks ago. The unknown is scary.  Dwelling on what the future may hold can easily make the here and now more miserable than it needs to be. “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NASB) Why is it so hard sometimes to give things to God? I hold onto things for dear life that I shouldn’t be holding onto. Always thinking of the worst case scenario and then believing that will happen when that’s not necessarily true. I’m not omnipresent, omniscient, or omnipotent. I don’t know the future. It’s not as if worrying will actually help anything anyway, even if I knew the future. It wouldn’t change it.  It would probably do the opposite, for “…who of you by being worried can add a single  hour to his life?” (Matthew 6:27 NASB) Really. Worrying would most likely take hours away from life, not just in the long run, but all the wasted hours worrying that could have been spent elsewhere are lost forever because once the time is gone, there is no way to get it back. But I do know one thing – as I go through life, Jesus will be with me, so I needn’t fear.  Now to convince my brain so it will stop worrying… (Haha, wow, this paragraph was massive. 😅 Moving along to the last part of the update…)

And as if that’s not enough… if you read my post titled New Year, New Things, you probably saw the photos of my cats that I shared. Last week, Rabbit died suddenly; you’ll probably recognize at least one of the photos below. It was a huge shock; I didn’t realize she was sick, she seemed fine the evening before, and I found her gone the next morning. She would have been 10 years old this Spring. In her memory, I’m going to post a collage of a few photos of her (and her siblings that happen to be in the photos with her) that I’ve taken over the years.

I’ve been an emotional mess for the past week for these reasons, as you can imagine. Also, because of all of this, I don’t know how often I will be posting on WordPress for a while. (I do, however, plan to catch up on responding to comments today if possible – I’m days behind! 😱)

I wrote a poem last year for Rosie and other pets that I have lost over the years. In Rabbit’s honor, I’m sharing it below.

Broken Heart’s Embrace

Today it hurts too much
To ruminate on images of your face
Or your loving touch
On my broken heart’s embrace…

Pain dulls the delight
Of memories we shared way back when
Like a shade over the light
Until I wonder if it will come back again.

Remembering reflections
Moments of sweet and bitter sorrow
Mingle with recollections
That will be more cheerful tomorrow.

Someday it won’t hurt so;
The pain will be dulled by the bliss,
Tears of sadness won’t flow,
And will be replaced by joy’s kiss.

My Friend Rosie – Rest In Peace

I’ve had part of this draft written for a while. I don’t usually post much about my personal life, but I decided that I might share a few photos of my pets so I made a rough draft. And then the photo prompt this week was friend, which seemed to be a good excuse to finally post this. However, around 9:00 yesterday morning, she passed away, so this is going to be a memorial post for her as well.

You may remember her from when I mentioned my pets on an award post:

Rosie, a couple of months ago.

This was 13-year-old Rosie (she would have been 14 in a few weeks). She went from seemingly happy and healthy on Sunday 23rd of April (she buried her doggie dish full of food. Again. 😜) to suddenly not being able to move on the 24th of April. I didn’t realize that eye-twitching and vertigo were symptoms of a heart attack or stroke in an animal, and she had had that happen twice before; so it’s very possible that she had a heart attack or stroke again, but we weren’t completely sure.

Sorry that it’s a bit blurry; I didn’t know how to use the camera very well back then, and I have few photos of her as a puppy.

For the first few days after that, she wasn’t able to drink on her own; I had to feed her with a turkey-baster. Then if I sat her up and propped her up with a blanket, she could drink and eat on her own. Finally, after a week or so, she could eat canned cat food that I mixed water with to make it more soup-consistency, and she enjoyed that immensely. (She loved fish. She really may have thought that she was a cat… XD )

You won’t find many photos of me on this blog, but I will share this one of me (or what you can see of me 😉) and Rosie from 2003. I dressed up this way because I wanted to see if she and her siblings would recognize me if I covered my face and added antlers. She didn’t, and I had to reveal myself when she threatened to eat me alive. 😂

I thought I would be faced with the decision to put her down when my mom and I brought her to the vet, but that wasn’t the case. The vet didn’t bring it up. I guess he could see that Rosie was a fighter and that she wouldn’t giving up even though she couldn’t move. The vet gave us some medicines to help with heartworms and help her get stronger. Lots of prayer and medicines later, she seemed like she might have been improving a bit.

As you can see from the above photos in chronological order, she was getting gray with old age – especially in the face. XD

Rosie, on the way home from the vet in her igloo that I converted into a makeshift dog carrier. XD

People always told me to never get attached to the “runt” of the litter, because they don’t live long. Rosie didn’t only live long, but she outlived all seven of her siblings and seven of her half-siblings. Here is a shot of – in order from left to right: Buddy (the big one), Daisy (behind Buddy) Angel (kissing Buddy), Sugar, Freddie, I don’t remember – it has been too long 😂, Peekaboo, Rosie, and Lightning. The mother is Grunt. Yes, Grunt. This is proof that you never EVER let little-kid-me name a pet. EVER. 😂

I still remember the day I named Rosie though. She got into everything, and I think my line of thought was “Nosy Rosie” and it was quickly shortened to just “Rosie.” And she was that type. Curious.

Rosie not letting me take a photo of wildflowers.

The last few months had been hard for her. She got bit by a poisonous snake. The vet told us to give her some antibiotic and a Benadryl, and that took the swelling down. And then a large tree fell, crushing her fence. Thankfully she wasn’t crushed too. (It also could have crushed our car, van, or house but it didn’t. God is good!)

The dead tree and Rosie’s yard. She is on the left, and that’s her doghouse behind her. Luckily, there was a divider right to the left of where the tree fell. (We used to have another dog she didn’t get along with years ago, and when he died she got the whole yard.) If you look at the right top of this photo, you can see the tall stump where it broke.

I know she didn’t like not being able to move. And I know she missed looking for turtles. When she found one, she went all “STRANGER DANGER,” barking like crazy, making me panic – only to find that she was warning us about a turtle. 😜 Squirrels could pick the peaches, deer could graze, raccoons could wander around, cats could stroll past, birds could fly by – but turtles could not waltz by without everyone knowing about it. What was so bad about a turtle? o_O I remember once when I found a turtle upside-down in her doghouse, with her asleep beside it while it was trying desperately to turn itself back over. I have no idea how she got her mouth around it to even do that. I rescued the poor thing, and when she woke up, she looked everywhere for her new “toy.”

Does this look like a scary face to you? (Also, note the mosquito flying around – that was an unexpected surprise. XD )

But I couldn’t give up on her. Even though she couldn’t move her tail, she was always so happy to see me, happy to eat, and just seemed happy overall. She loved peanut butter crackers for treats. I crunched them up so she could have some without choking, and she had some of that with ocean fish cat food around 7:30 yesterday morning. I left to do some other things for about an hour and a half (one of which was responding to comments and posting on here) and then my mom and I went back to check on her and she was gone. That fast. I think I’m still in shock over losing one of my best friends. But I know that she is in a better place, and I’ve been praying for the past month that if she died, it would be fast and painless, and it was.

I passed by her yard and it was so empty. No greeting. No barking. No tail wagging. Just an vacant doghouse and an lonely yard.

And as if Mother Nature knew this was happening, my red lilies bloomed yesterday morning, of all times to do so:

Isn’t that sweet? Blooming just for us? There was a part of me that wondered how Mother Nature could be so cruel as to try to bring cheer into such a sad day, but maybe, just maybe, they were celebrating her being free and entering the Kingdom of God.