Anxiety

Under This Smile

/ Following Him / 26 Comments

Under This Smile

Under this smile
There is a side
You never get to see.

All the while,
Pain does reside
In the depths of me.

Depression is a thief,
Stealing happiness
And leaving despair,

And utter grief.
I must confess,
I wish wasn’t there.

I can try to cover it
Like putting makeup
On a painful scar,

And try to smother it,
But soon I give up,
And don’t get too far.

I can play pretend
Temporarily,
But it forthwith

Comes to an end.
There is a part of me
That wants to show this,

And yet, the other
Part wants to hide
It shamefully.

It is yet another
Thing I wish to confide
I’m desperate to be free.

It’s harder when
I’m asked why;
I have no answer,

And I’m dejected again.
To my Savior I cry,
For Him to cure.

Fearful being rejected again;
I don’t want to open
My heart and soul,

For fear of then
Inviting Sadness in
To eat me whole.

“But You already know
My heart; You, most Holy,
Won’t reject me.”

This begins a slow
Healing from melancholy,
Defeating the Enemy.

It is one more ploy
Of the pirate to plunder
My hopeless spirit,

But my Savoir restores joy
And I begin to wonder,
Can I beat it?

Jesus has the victory
Over the whole world.
Death and sin have lost

Because His mighty
Plan was unfurled
When His Son paid the cost!

This and more is going
On inside of my brain
All at the same time.

But none is showing,
No, none of the pain
That’s under this smile of mine.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. (Psalm 126:5 KJV)

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3 ESV)

My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26 NKJV)

So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? (First Corinthians 15:54-55 KJV)

He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of His people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken it. (Isaiah 25:8 KJV)

This is one of my longer poems. I know, it doesn’t have the usual victory message at the very end, but… I was being real. I know there will be victory in the end, but sometimes in the moment, you just don’t feel it. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t true though. 😉 He will have the victory. 🙂

In Ways Everlasting – Collab with T.R. Noble

/ Following Him / 22 Comments

If I rise on the wings of the dawn
If I settle on the far side of the sea
Even there Your hand will guide me
You will keep me safe and warm

If I fall from the clouds of the dusk
If I wander the land to and fro
Even there, Your hand will follow
You will never leave me lost

If towering mountains fall upon me
If I am buried under the ground
Even there, I’m safe and sound
Your loving arms surround me

If darkness swallows me whole
If all that I see are the trials
You’ve said it is all worthwhile
For You’ve redeemed my soul

Search me and know my being
Test me and know my thoughts
It was You that I always sought
To lead me in ways everlasting

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Where can I flee from Your sight?
Where on Earth does Your Light
Not glow, It even shines in the pit!

Nowhere can I hide from You
To nowhere could I flee
I cannot run away from Thee
And why would I want to?

You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. Psalm 139:1 (NIV)

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You. Psalm 139:11-12 (NIV)

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)

This is my first ever collab with T. R. Noble! This was such fun to put together – thanks for making this happen. 🙂

And now that you’ve finished reading this post, you really should check out her post in flash-fiction form – the link to her blog is in her name above, and the link to the post itself is in this sentence. 😉

My Eyes Are On You

/ Following Him / 46 Comments

My Eyes Are On You

I know not what to do,
But my eyes are on You

I know not what is planned for me
But I put all of my Trust in Thee

You are with me in my days of struggle.
You are my stronghold in days of trouble.

I know not what needs to be done
But I keep my eyes on You, The Son

You are with me in our days of delight
And You are with me in my darkest night

In highest peak or in the lowest valley
I know that Your Light will shine on me

I know not what is in the time to come
I only know where my strength comes from

Your Spirit is my guide
In You, I will abide

O our God, wilt Thou not judge them? for we have no might against this great company that cometh against us; neither know we what to do: but our eyes are upon Thee. Second Chronicles 20:12

The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him. –Nahum 1:7

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. – Psalm 23:4

The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined. – Isaiah 9:2

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the Vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in Me.” John 15:4

I almost feel like this is the sequel to “Jesus Will Be With Me.” Haha. 🙂

I didn’t mean to go this long without posting; I’ve been writing a novel as I mentioned in my last post (and it’s really coming along!), but I’m also having some light sensitivity, which makes it uncomfortable and sometimes painful to look at the screen for long periods of time. Therefore, I’ve been doing my best to keep up with writing my novel and reading your wonderful posts in short bursts throughout the day – while wearing sunglasses 😎 – and I haven’t spent much time in composing posts. 😅 It’s getting better now, so hopefully, I’ll get back to posting at least twice a week. 😊

**Special thanks to Margaret from The Word for posting the Isaiah 9:2 verse. Because of that verse and the timing of the posting, I was able to finish two lines that I was so stuck in finishing. 🙂 (And yes, that is a link in her name if you want to check out her wonderful blog. 😉)

Jesus Will Be With Me

/ Following Him / 84 Comments

When I go through water’s deep
Jesus will be with me

When billowing waves overtake
With me, He will still be

When at night I fall fast asleep,
Jesus will be with me

And when in the morning I wake
With me, He will still be

For without Him I would drown
In brutal waters deep

If He were not with me, I know
Water would overtake

For without Him, when I lay me down
Fears would keep me from sleep

If He were not with me, from sleep’s hold
I would not ever wake

Thank you for always being there, Jesus! ❤

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown… (Isaiah 43:2 NLT)

Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all Thy waves and Thy billows are gone over me. Yet the LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life. (Psalm 42:7-8 KJV)

In peace I will both lie down and sleep, For You alone, O LORD, make me to dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:8 NASB)

On an unrelated note, while catching up on responding to all of your wonderful comments, it only let me go back for four days. 😲 If you left a comment or responded to me before that, I am so sorry that I didn’t reply – I didn’t know that the notifications would only let me go back that far and I don’t know how to check for comments before that time. If there is a comment that I missed, please let me know and I’ll come respond! ❤

Edited to add: If you would like to hear this poem sung, Hayley did a wonderful job – click here to check it out!

The Light & A Life Update

/ Following Him / 72 Comments

Image credit: Pixabay

Have you heard the phrase, “light at the end of the tunnel?” I recently read this one: “Due to extenuating circumstances, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.” At first, I thought that this was clever – and it is – however, I realize with depression, it can certainly feel that way sometimes.

The enemy puts a blindfold on to block the view, and it takes a lot of effort to get it off.

Image credit: Pixabay

For anxiety sufferers, the tunnel constricts our view of the Light as the airway constricts when a person has an asthma attack. Nothing can get in, and nothing can make us feel more helpless and alone.

But maybe, just maybe, tunnel vision causes this. Thoughts have a way of blocking the Light and making it seem smaller than it is or telling us that the Light at the end of the tunnel is a train that’s going to run us over. It’s sometimes nearly impossible to control them.

image credit: Pixabay

It’s all lies. Yes, that is our view of things. But, whatever the case may be, just because I can’t see the Light, doesn’t mean that it isn’t there. For we walk by faith, not by sight (Second Corinthians 5:7).

So even when we feel hopeless in the middle of some tunnel where it’s dark, and where sometimes we’re even afraid of the Light, we know we must keep walking. Even when the tunnel starts to constrict, keep pushing forward. Even when the Light isn’t visible anymore, keep going. And when it looks like the Light might just run us over – keep on. Wield the Armor of the Spirit and order those lies away.

Image credit: Pixabay

For the Light is waiting to shine on us, and shine through us. “Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:14-16).

That’s pretty much where my brain has been today. It has been hard to stay focused on the Light and Who He is. If you read this post from a couple of weeks ago, then you know that life has been hard for me this month.

You may remember this photo from the past. Radar is the one on the left, washing her face. Last night, she became violently ill – and the vet isn’t open that late, so I had to wait until morning. I kept checking on her most of the night. When I checked on her around 1AM, she was already gone. I had no chance to even try to help her, it happened so fast. Here is another photo; she is on the left (and Sketcher is on the right):

Her eyes weren’t always different like that. When she was a kitten, another cat scratched her eye, and she became blind in that eye. She adapted so well, but I always had to keep that in mind because if I approached her on her blind side and then reached to pet her, she would lose her mind because she didn’t see it coming. 😅 I have many fond memories of her losing her mind. Most of the time it happened because I mistook her for Rabbit (Radar’s mother). Without seeing the face, they looked almost identical.

Now they are both gone, within a couple of weeks of each other.

Radar would have been eight this spring.

I may not be as active online the next few days while I try to put my heart back together. Love you guys! ❤

In Your Strong Wing’s Shadow

/ Following Him / 30 Comments

Wildflower at my grandma’s

I’m to fear no evil in this world,
Since You make it all Your footstool;
I await the day when Your plans are unfurled,
And You, King of Kings, on Your throne forever, rule.

It’s an uphill battle and I’m losing ground,
Hide me in Your strong wing’s shadow
So that I may be safe and sound.
Hug me and never let me go!

Hold me in Your loving arms,
Protect me, even if it is from me.
Don’t let anyone bring my soul harm,
But if trials come, let it bring glory to Thee.

As long as You, my Lord, are walking beside me,
I shall try my best to fearlessly follow You;
Please, Jesus my Savior, abide in me,
So that Your will I may do!

And David himself saith in the book of Psalms (Grace’s note: Psalm 110:1), “The LORD said unto my Lord, ‘Sit thou on my right hand, till I make thine enemies thy footstool.’ ” Luke 20:42 – 43

Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in Thee: yea, in the shadow of Thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast. (Psalm 57:1)

Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of Thy wings… (Psalm 17:8)

Because Thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of Thy wings will I rejoice. (Psalm 63:7)

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

If ye abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. (John 15:7)

Another poem I found in my drafts that I never posted. This one from July of last year. 🙂 And so is the photo. That was taken with my old camera if you can believe that. 😅