Seeds and Weeds of Bitterness

Wild Thang with Tiny (on left) and Aurora (on right)

Last April, my rooster Wild Thang became ill with a respiratory illness. Wheezing, sneezing, unable to crow without sounding like a pathetic squeaky toy…Β  I had to put him in a cage and bring him indoors out of the cold. (I’m not sure how my dad would have felt about a rooster spending a week in his shop…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ€ͺ ) During this, I scoffed at the idea for praying for my rooster.

I had grown seeds of bitterness within me and they grew like weeds, taking over me and hurting myself and others with their thorns.

Wild Thang and Aurora during molting season

I thought, what is the use of praying for a sick rooster when God didn’t answer my prayers about my dad, who was ill for years?

Then I had a sudden thought that hit hard. I would be angry either way. I doubt it was my own conscience; the Holy Spirit was probably trying to get my attention. If God didn’t heal my rooster, then I’d be upset and wondering why God allowed so much heartbreak in my life in such a short time span. If God DID heal my rooster, then I would be bitter because what kind of God heals a rooster but not my dad?

And this is when I knew I had a problem.

 

It’s not my timing, but His. I saw a quote on Tim Challis’s Instagram the other day that, paraphrasing, no one dies before or after their appointed time and that appointed time is God’s timing. (Linked to post above.) I had a hard time believing this and it led to me running away from God instead of toward him. It led me to distance myself from friends and blogging because I wasn’t following Him.

It took months after this to be able to stop running away. Stop and admit what I had done. More things had to happen to bring me to where I could stop and repent. It’s still a healing process, I’m not saying I’ve found all the answers. But I think I’m finally running in the right direction.

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