Under This Smile

Under this smile
There is a side
You never get to see.

All the while,
Pain does reside
In the depths of me.

Depression is a thief,
Stealing happiness
And leaving despair,

And utter grief.
I must confess,
I wish wasn’t there.

I can try to cover it
Like putting makeup
On a painful scar,

And try to smother it,
But soon I give up,
And don’t get too far.

I can play pretend
Temporarily,
But it forthwith

Comes to an end.
There is a part of me
That wants to show this,

And yet, the other
Part wants to hide
It shamefully.

It is yet another
Thing I wish to confide
I’m desperate to be free.

It’s harder when
I’m asked why;
I have no answer,

And I’m dejected again.
To my Savior I cry,
For Him to cure.

Fearful being rejected again;
I don’t want to open
My heart and soul,

For fear of then
Inviting Sadness in
To eat me whole.

“But You already know
My heart; You, most Holy,
Won’t reject me.”

This begins a slow
Healing from melancholy,
Defeating the Enemy.

It is one more ploy
Of the pirate to plunder
My hopeless spirit,

But my Savoir restores joy
And I begin to wonder,
Can I beat it?

Jesus has the victory
Over the whole world.
Death and sin have lost

Because His mighty
Plan was unfurled
When His Son paid the cost!

This and more is going
On inside of my brain
All at the same time.

But none is showing,
No, none of the pain
That’s under this smile of mine.

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They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. (Psalm 126:5 KJV)

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3 ESV)

My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26 NKJV)

So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? (First Corinthians 15:54-55 KJV)

He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of His people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken it. (Isaiah 25:8 KJV)

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This is one of my longer poems. I know, it doesn’t have the usual victory message at the very end, but… I was being real. I know there will be victory in the end, but sometimes in the moment, you just don’t feel it. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t true though. 😉 He will have the victory. 🙂