Just When I Thought I Would Crumble…

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The hedge of protection had been removed; suddenly I was vulnerable like Job. The enemy started to beat me until my heart cracked. I cried out to God to patch the cracks, but I received no answer. I trusted in Him, asked for Him to stay with me through it, not knowing His plan; and continued on.

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Soon, I was under fire. The fiery darts of the enemy pierced me, leaving holes in my soul. I cried out to God to patch the holes, but He did not reply. I wondered if this was His plan or was the enemy trying to have his way? I fought in His name and prayed, but also trusted in Him.

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The voice of the enemy came and tore my mind to shreds, trying to get me to question everything. What is from God? What is not? How do I discern? I study the Bible and ask for His wisdom, and trust in Him.

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All of the other things coming at me began to affect my strength. I became weak. I asked Him to please protect my spirit from harm. It was weak from my cracked heart, holey soul, shredded forlorn mind, and lack of strength. My faith wanted to remain strong, but it saw its own weakness, and I prayed for Him to help my unbelief.

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Finally, when I thought I would crumble, I heard this: 

“Now that your heart is cracked, My Light can shine through you and reach others. It is not to be kept under a bushel, nor hidden within a heart.”

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“Now that you have been pierced, My Holy Spirit can flow out of your soul much easier. No longer will you have to overflow; I can flow through you freely.”

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“Now that you are questioning everything, I can use that to help you learn more about Me and draw you closer to Myself. Before, you thought pridefully that you knew much – how you knew some things but did not know them! – but in asking Me for wisdom and reading My Word, your pride is crumbling like the walls of Jericho and you can see what I say and not what people say.”

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“Now that your spirit is weak, you may find true strength in Me. For when you are weak, you are actually strong! Before, you relied on yourself, but now you have nothing left and must turn to Me for your source of strength.”

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“Your humbleness to My plans has made it possible to create an outflow of My love through your damaged heart and soul. You gave them to Me to do what I will with it, and I did. What the enemy meant for evil, I will turn for good. Continue, my faithful servant, loving Me with all of your cracked heart, pierced soul, wondering mind, and weak spirit, and I will be with you every step. The road won’t be easy – you may crack even more, be pierced again, question everything you once believed about Me, and find that you are too weak to serve Me. But that is how I need you so that I can use you. Do you trust Me?”

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And then, despite the state my heart, soul, mind, and spirit was in, I felt peace.

“I trust You, my Lord.”

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“No one, when he has lit a lamp, puts it in a secret place or under a basket, but on a lampstand, that those who come in may see the light.” (Luke 11:33 NKJV)

Jesus said to him, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37 NKJV)

But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble…” James 4:6

“But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good…” Genesis 50:20

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 KJV)

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (Second Corinthians 12:8-9 NKJV)

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This is a little something I wrote a few months ago after praying about a rough patch I was going through. 🙂 I hope it can also bring hope to others. ❤

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